( Pantalone goes back to fiddling with his rings, more amused than one should be after listening to Dottore's insanity dive head first into narcissism. The threat of getting tied up on a table and dissected over and over is not a new concept. Unless Dottore wants to torture Pantalone for the rest of his life, becoming his walking experiment is a fate he can at least live with. It's more merciful than that of living under the gaze of gods.
The same insane look living inside Dottore's mask is staring back at him, in Pantalone's. )
So what you're saying is, I can reject you.
( Just like Zandik rejected him. Every single molecule in his body, abandoned since the moment of conception, fated to be left behind to rot in the world. A leg crosses over another and his body relaxes, his brand new lungs fill with air before leaving a sigh to the silent room. )
And if I stand up and walk towards the inevitable product of time, as a punishment I get to have your hands on me for eternity? Forced alive just so your greed consumes me over and over? Sounds like a deal to me, haha, but that was to be expected of you.
Your greed is predictable, Dottore.
( He angles himself to better face him, denting the cushion between them under their combined weight, and thighs sharing body heat. This way, he has the best view when he grabs his whole jaw with one hand. The one full of rings. They shine so well in contrast with his gloves and Dottore's eternal skin. His thumb caresses his cheek, sliding up the shadow of his mask. )
(For two people boasting their levels of intellect and years of life experience; they could both be incredibly dense at times. Specifically when it involved their more visceral thoughts in regards to one another.)
Would rejecting me truly make you feel better or bring you any closer to where you want to be, Feofan?
(Dottore knew that between them; they could go back and forth for hours, if not longer. And get absolutely no where until one of them either gave in completely; or found a way to deviate from their path of circular chaos.)
You would willing place yourself on the precipice of death and subject yourself to eternal torture just to have my hands on you? I didn't realize you were so desperate for my touch.
My greed is only parallel to your own.
(He visually tracked his movements with omnibus precision; but otherwise remained motionless. Their joint proximity and shared heat was of comfort; but he was not going to let such simple gestures cloud his perception. Despite the constricting pressure and the way that the metal of the rings was biting into his skin; he only allotted himself three seconds to bask in the sensations before acting. With his opposite hand, he gripped onto the wrist of the hand holding his face. He wasted no time digging the tip of his thumb into the center of the vertical set of tendons.)
And you said I was the predictable one.
You made yourself quite clear. You stated that you would let it go if I took off my mask for you. I want to know two things. Why do you wish for me to remove it? And what does the outcome of you not letting it go entail?
( Between the two, Pantalone guards his emotions with the bitterness of winter. Spending all his life with Dottore at his side has taught him how to care for this type of fortress, and even so, only Dottore still knows how to navigate it. He could be living for another 400 years, a thousand years, and he would still not be used to someone seeing through his vulnerabilities.
This Dottore, though a fragment of what he used to be, still carries the cadence he once came to admire and yearn. Although his hand tenses around that jawbone, he won't betray his privacy or forcefully remove the mask. )
I'm exactly where I want to be.
( He says without truly answering, classic, lethal, and confident. Living this long life with someone who understands him is everything anybody could ask for. Dottore is difficult, if not even more broken than he is. Literally, he's a mere Segment.
The pressure point between his tendons forces his fingers to loosen, and it's reasonably uncomfortable but he doesn't flinch. Instead, his eyes remain settled on his mask, as if he could look into his eyes. )
Why, I thought you were familiar with my greed, Dottore. I wanted to see your face entirely as you stumbled on your words. I rarely get such a treat.
( He twists his wrist around to break away from the pressure, doing so with a smile. )
Hm, if I don't let it go... Let me think... they call it karma, I believe. Think of it like another form of debt.
(Dottore had woven his truth into the literal fibers of his being. Physical evisceration would have been a less cruel fate than the massacre to his emotions and mental state he had been forced to endure. Repairing physical wounds could be tedious, yes. But it was doable. There was a step-by-step process and as long as it was followed; the outcome would likely be favorable. Eradicating emotional damage or reversing past trauma would never be that simple.
Decimate the physical form of self and disperse the remnants across multiple beings and one will no longer have to worry about being seen, judged, or destroyed. Because no one would ever have all of the pieces of the puzzle laid bare in front of them. That which has already been shattered cannot be broken again.
Or so; that was his original thought process. What he didn't account for was the possibility of someone sticking around for hundreds of years and learning exactly how each jagged edge fit together as one. And then after finally seeing the full picture; still choosing to remain by his side.
On paper; it was he who saved Pantalone. Although never out-loud; Dottore sometimes swears it was the other way around.
That mutual exchange of respect and privacy was the reason Pantalone was able to get anywhere near him physically in the first place. And knowing that he would never cross the line is exactly why he was okay with allowing him to do it.)
Familiar with your greed, yes. Though I am not opposed to becoming better acquainted with it. Unless, of course, that too would lead me further into debt with you.
(Dottore caught his wrist once more before he could fully pull away. Gently, this time. He guided it back to rest against his jaw.)
( Long ago, Pantalone had to wait an agonizing amount of time before he finally got a glimpse of Dottore's eyes. Or the shape of his eyebrows, the muscles which creased them, the frosting color on his eyelashes matching the waves on his hair.
Could one say that getting this far is the same experience as taming a wild, scared beast? The one that fears the hand that feeds because it's too used to being followed up with punches? As much as Dottore hides between clinical snark and circles of philosophy, Pantalone has found that navigating his trauma requires using a mirror. A sense of comfort that Dottore can rely on. The same ugliness, the same pain.
Pantalone never lets go of grudges, even if he says he does. Even if he forgives, for everyone else these are just lies that he can later manufacture as IOUs. With Dottore, however, after a stupid game, he has no reason to dangle an argument over his head. Perhaps the real trap was to threaten him with it, not the reality itself. )
Good. Amazing, even.
( He smiles, and his shoulders even relax as his hand is guided back against the warmth of his jaw. )
I believe I shouldn't have to warn you that my greed will find ways to haunt you. Even when you're not asking for it.
( He slowly pushes up against the edge of the mask, cautious, as if he's giving him the chance to regret his decisions. Though internally, he only hopes to keep on seeing skin revealing itself from the shadow. His nose, the bridge of it, both cheekbones, and then his eyes. A firm mark is left behind on his forehead. He puts it on the coffee table delicately, as if Pantalone knows to treat it like another body part. )
It's been a while....You know, since you want to become better acquainted with my greed, perhaps I should demand you to roam like this for me more often.
Heh.
( He glances at him as if he already knows the answer, but he can't help himself. He is greedy. Perhaps saving Dottore means to remind him who he truly is, even if it means corralling his lost emotions until he has no option left but to face them. )
(Even after all they had experienced together over the years; it was moments like this that shook him to his core. He knew he could easily stop everything. He knew that he could over-power Pantalone. Who would win in a physical altercation between the two of them was never a question. Dottore could kill him and make it look like the most effortless of feats. But he never would. And just knowing that is what terrified Dottore the most.
That fear was addicting. It was the one thing he couldn't experience on his own.)
When I'm not asking for it is when I'll be looking forward to it the most. It's how I'll know you are acting solely because you want to. Completely unbridled from my influence or demands.
(Who was truly more selfish between the two of them is a question that will never have an answer. How greedy must a man be to crave everything another person has to offer; that person's own greed included. To own someone in their entirety was to welcome every dark, depraved, and sinister thought that they had and to not stop demanding more until it was impossible to determine where one's existence ended and the others began.
He kept his eyes closed as felt the mask being slipped from his face was a reverence he thought of as being far too gentle for someone like himself. It wasn't until he heard him speak again that he finally opened his eyes and looked up.)
More often; but still only within your presence alone, yes? A curious thought. Though, if I was to do that, what would stop me from roaming too far? Who's to say that I wouldn't stray from your sight? Perhaps even wander out to where the others all gather?
(His expression remains neutral as their eyes finally meet. Dottore would far sooner stand in the nude in front of people rather than show them his full face. To him, a person's eyes are a window to their soul. They are honest without choice; where-as one's mouth can freely spew whatever sort of nonsense it wishes. He knows exactly what he is doing by merely teasing the threat of allowing others to see him in a way that has always been reserved strictly for Pantalone.)
( There are times Pantalone would pay an organ or two just to infiltrate that mind of his. Whenever Dottore goes silent, another world of wonder rips into existence. Perhaps this is why Pantalone likes admiring the shine in his eyes, his pupils or the way they move. While their physical strengths differ, Pantalone makes up for it by seeing through his most human element. The "flaws" Dottore constantly tries to escape from or destroy.
Even when his eyes remain closed momentarily, he can still see the way those eyelids show signs of life. Small nerves keeping them shut and looking so vulnerable. He tilts his head a little, feeling a smile creep until their gazes finally meet. As close as they are, as similar as they are, Pantalone still feels like they could slip away from each other without a moment's notice.
The others have surely met the other Segments at some point. The youngest Segments show themselves but this one is different. He's the one he feels closest to ever since he met him all those years ago. He lets out a soft laugh, pitying himself. )
You wouldn't do that in a million years.
( He shifts so their sides press tighter together. It's a smooth opportunity to lace his arm around his shoulders, leaving it to rest there. )
Heh, first off, that would make me furious and second: it would be like you're rewarding the people who detest you with the experience of a reasonably real side of you. There's no reason why you should give them that privilege for free.
( Even now, Pantalone still gave up his own vulnerability in exchange for Dottore's gaze. The truth of that jealousy would eat him alive and then wage war on him if Dottore did share something so sacred with the others. This kind of honesty is more valuable than mora. )
(His younger segments all showed their faces freely without any care or consequence. The segment he embodied, the one that commemorated his 35th year of existence; he was the first to dawn the mask at all times. So what changed during the years that lied between his segment and the one aged directly below him? What knowledge or perspective did he gain that drove him to the conclusion of hiding his face as being the imperative answer?
The shift in posture and proximity renders him momentarily rigid out of instinct. Much akin to manually imputing data; he has to remind himself that this is okay and was essentially what he had agreed to by allowing the situation to progress in the manner which it has. They needed this. He wanted this. Even though his own self-hatred flourished over the thought of him indulging in behavior that was so distinctively human. A few moments later; he physically relaxed and leaned back against the cushions. Accepting his affection without comment or further reaction.
They both knew that Dottore would never show his face publicly. Especially not amongst the ranks of their fellow harbingers. Though the idea of experiencing Pantalone's jealousy induced wrath at that caliber was an enthralling temptation. But just because they both knew the truth; it didn't mean that taunting him with the idea was any less entertaining.)
Everything comes at a price, does it not? Who's to say that it wouldn't be worth it if it meant evoking such a rapacious reaction from you?
(The ghost of a smile flickered across his face. Most people would tease others with playful jabs or harmless jokes. Dottore preferred to tease with declarations of war or threats of a nuclear magnitude. Especially during times like this when he felt the most vulnerable and exposed.
No matter what he said; he would never even consider sharing a moment like this with anyone else. Nor could he tolerate the notion of Pantalone doing the same with anyone other than himself; his other segments included.)
Keep the mask off hmm? And what's in it for me if I agree to such a acquisitive request?
What you're describing now is a mere consequence that would not bode well for you. Not a price.
( His smile lightens the words with an air of humor, despite the real threat beckoning to be released from deep in his heart. After a second or two of feeling Dottore's shoulders ease against the couch, so too does Pantalone's smile.
Surely, there are many people in the crowds of the city who wonder what kind of lives Harbingers live. For such people, Pantalone is an impossible reach. In their eyes, he's no longer a person they can simply talk to, but the system that makes the entire country tick like a clockwork.
Yet even he is partial to the touch of another and the warmth of a body. Crowding Dottore like this is always some gamble, but they don't need the after party games the other people throw. Instead, they take and wrench them into their own. His eyes fall down to the hint of that smile because for once, every muscle necessary to form it can be seen in full. )
But let me think... For starters, it would be a lot easier to kiss you, if you keep your mask off.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
( Pantalone goes back to fiddling with his rings, more amused than one should be after listening to Dottore's insanity dive head first into narcissism. The threat of getting tied up on a table and dissected over and over is not a new concept. Unless Dottore wants to torture Pantalone for the rest of his life, becoming his walking experiment is a fate he can at least live with. It's more merciful than that of living under the gaze of gods.
The same insane look living inside Dottore's mask is staring back at him, in Pantalone's. )
So what you're saying is, I can reject you.
( Just like Zandik rejected him. Every single molecule in his body, abandoned since the moment of conception, fated to be left behind to rot in the world. A leg crosses over another and his body relaxes, his brand new lungs fill with air before leaving a sigh to the silent room. )
And if I stand up and walk towards the inevitable product of time, as a punishment I get to have your hands on me for eternity? Forced alive just so your greed consumes me over and over? Sounds like a deal to me, haha, but that was to be expected of you.
Your greed is predictable, Dottore.
( He angles himself to better face him, denting the cushion between them under their combined weight, and thighs sharing body heat. This way, he has the best view when he grabs his whole jaw with one hand. The one full of rings. They shine so well in contrast with his gloves and Dottore's eternal skin. His thumb caresses his cheek, sliding up the shadow of his mask. )
Perhaps I didn't make myself clear.
no subject
Would rejecting me truly make you feel better or bring you any closer to where you want to be, Feofan?
(Dottore knew that between them; they could go back and forth for hours, if not longer. And get absolutely no where until one of them either gave in completely; or found a way to deviate from their path of circular chaos.)
You would willing place yourself on the precipice of death and subject yourself to eternal torture just to have my hands on you? I didn't realize you were so desperate for my touch.
My greed is only parallel to your own.
(He visually tracked his movements with omnibus precision; but otherwise remained motionless. Their joint proximity and shared heat was of comfort; but he was not going to let such simple gestures cloud his perception. Despite the constricting pressure and the way that the metal of the rings was biting into his skin; he only allotted himself three seconds to bask in the sensations before acting. With his opposite hand, he gripped onto the wrist of the hand holding his face. He wasted no time digging the tip of his thumb into the center of the vertical set of tendons.)
And you said I was the predictable one.
You made yourself quite clear.
You stated that you would let it go if I took off my mask for you.
I want to know two things. Why do you wish for me to remove it? And what does the outcome of you not letting it go entail?
no subject
This Dottore, though a fragment of what he used to be, still carries the cadence he once came to admire and yearn. Although his hand tenses around that jawbone, he won't betray his privacy or forcefully remove the mask. )
I'm exactly where I want to be.
( He says without truly answering, classic, lethal, and confident. Living this long life with someone who understands him is everything anybody could ask for. Dottore is difficult, if not even more broken than he is. Literally, he's a mere Segment.
The pressure point between his tendons forces his fingers to loosen, and it's reasonably uncomfortable but he doesn't flinch. Instead, his eyes remain settled on his mask, as if he could look into his eyes. )
Why, I thought you were familiar with my greed, Dottore. I wanted to see your face entirely as you stumbled on your words. I rarely get such a treat.
( He twists his wrist around to break away from the pressure, doing so with a smile. )
Hm, if I don't let it go... Let me think... they call it karma, I believe. Think of it like another form of debt.
no subject
Decimate the physical form of self and disperse the remnants across multiple beings and one will no longer have to worry about being seen, judged, or destroyed. Because no one would ever have all of the pieces of the puzzle laid bare in front of them. That which has already been shattered cannot be broken again.
Or so; that was his original thought process. What he didn't account for was the possibility of someone sticking around for hundreds of years and learning exactly how each jagged edge fit together as one. And then after finally seeing the full picture; still choosing to remain by his side.
On paper; it was he who saved Pantalone. Although never out-loud; Dottore sometimes swears it was the other way around.
That mutual exchange of respect and privacy was the reason Pantalone was able to get anywhere near him physically in the first place. And knowing that he would never cross the line is exactly why he was okay with allowing him to do it.)
Familiar with your greed, yes. Though I am not opposed to becoming better acquainted with it. Unless, of course, that too would lead me further into debt with you.
(Dottore caught his wrist once more before he could fully pull away. Gently, this time. He guided it back to rest against his jaw.)
Go ahead. Do it.
no subject
Could one say that getting this far is the same experience as taming a wild, scared beast? The one that fears the hand that feeds because it's too used to being followed up with punches? As much as Dottore hides between clinical snark and circles of philosophy, Pantalone has found that navigating his trauma requires using a mirror. A sense of comfort that Dottore can rely on. The same ugliness, the same pain.
Pantalone never lets go of grudges, even if he says he does. Even if he forgives, for everyone else these are just lies that he can later manufacture as IOUs. With Dottore, however, after a stupid game, he has no reason to dangle an argument over his head. Perhaps the real trap was to threaten him with it, not the reality itself. )
Good. Amazing, even.
( He smiles, and his shoulders even relax as his hand is guided back against the warmth of his jaw. )
I believe I shouldn't have to warn you that my greed will find ways to haunt you. Even when you're not asking for it.
( He slowly pushes up against the edge of the mask, cautious, as if he's giving him the chance to regret his decisions. Though internally, he only hopes to keep on seeing skin revealing itself from the shadow. His nose, the bridge of it, both cheekbones, and then his eyes. A firm mark is left behind on his forehead. He puts it on the coffee table delicately, as if Pantalone knows to treat it like another body part. )
It's been a while....You know, since you want to become better acquainted with my greed, perhaps I should demand you to roam like this for me more often.
Heh.
( He glances at him as if he already knows the answer, but he can't help himself. He is greedy. Perhaps saving Dottore means to remind him who he truly is, even if it means corralling his lost emotions until he has no option left but to face them. )
no subject
That fear was addicting. It was the one thing he couldn't experience on his own.)
When I'm not asking for it is when I'll be looking forward to it the most. It's how I'll know you are acting solely because you want to. Completely unbridled from my influence or demands.
(Who was truly more selfish between the two of them is a question that will never have an answer. How greedy must a man be to crave everything another person has to offer; that person's own greed included. To own someone in their entirety was to welcome every dark, depraved, and sinister thought that they had and to not stop demanding more until it was impossible to determine where one's existence ended and the others began.
He kept his eyes closed as felt the mask being slipped from his face was a reverence he thought of as being far too gentle for someone like himself. It wasn't until he heard him speak again that he finally opened his eyes and looked up.)
More often; but still only within your presence alone, yes? A curious thought. Though, if I was to do that, what would stop me from roaming too far? Who's to say that I wouldn't stray from your sight? Perhaps even wander out to where the others all gather?
(His expression remains neutral as their eyes finally meet. Dottore would far sooner stand in the nude in front of people rather than show them his full face. To him, a person's eyes are a window to their soul. They are honest without choice; where-as one's mouth can freely spew whatever sort of nonsense it wishes.
He knows exactly what he is doing by merely teasing the threat of allowing others to see him in a way that has always been reserved strictly for Pantalone.)
no subject
Even when his eyes remain closed momentarily, he can still see the way those eyelids show signs of life. Small nerves keeping them shut and looking so vulnerable. He tilts his head a little, feeling a smile creep until their gazes finally meet. As close as they are, as similar as they are, Pantalone still feels like they could slip away from each other without a moment's notice.
The others have surely met the other Segments at some point. The youngest Segments show themselves but this one is different. He's the one he feels closest to ever since he met him all those years ago. He lets out a soft laugh, pitying himself. )
You wouldn't do that in a million years.
( He shifts so their sides press tighter together. It's a smooth opportunity to lace his arm around his shoulders, leaving it to rest there. )
Heh, first off, that would make me furious and second: it would be like you're rewarding the people who detest you with the experience of a reasonably real side of you. There's no reason why you should give them that privilege for free.
( Even now, Pantalone still gave up his own vulnerability in exchange for Dottore's gaze. The truth of that jealousy would eat him alive and then wage war on him if Dottore did share something so sacred with the others. This kind of honesty is more valuable than mora. )
So keep the mask off, yes? I want to indulge.
no subject
The shift in posture and proximity renders him momentarily rigid out of instinct. Much akin to manually imputing data; he has to remind himself that this is okay and was essentially what he had agreed to by allowing the situation to progress in the manner which it has. They needed this. He wanted this. Even though his own self-hatred flourished over the thought of him indulging in behavior that was so distinctively human. A few moments later; he physically relaxed and leaned back against the cushions. Accepting his affection without comment or further reaction.
They both knew that Dottore would never show his face publicly. Especially not amongst the ranks of their fellow harbingers. Though the idea of experiencing Pantalone's jealousy induced wrath at that caliber was an enthralling temptation. But just because they both knew the truth; it didn't mean that taunting him with the idea was any less entertaining.)
Everything comes at a price, does it not? Who's to say that it wouldn't be worth it if it meant evoking such a rapacious reaction from you?
(The ghost of a smile flickered across his face. Most people would tease others with playful jabs or harmless jokes. Dottore preferred to tease with declarations of war or threats of a nuclear magnitude. Especially during times like this when he felt the most vulnerable and exposed.
No matter what he said; he would never even consider sharing a moment like this with anyone else. Nor could he tolerate the notion of Pantalone doing the same with anyone other than himself; his other segments included.)
Keep the mask off hmm? And what's in it for me if I agree to such a acquisitive request?
no subject
( His smile lightens the words with an air of humor, despite the real threat beckoning to be released from deep in his heart. After a second or two of feeling Dottore's shoulders ease against the couch, so too does Pantalone's smile.
Surely, there are many people in the crowds of the city who wonder what kind of lives Harbingers live. For such people, Pantalone is an impossible reach. In their eyes, he's no longer a person they can simply talk to, but the system that makes the entire country tick like a clockwork.
Yet even he is partial to the touch of another and the warmth of a body. Crowding Dottore like this is always some gamble, but they don't need the after party games the other people throw. Instead, they take and wrench them into their own. His eyes fall down to the hint of that smile because for once, every muscle necessary to form it can be seen in full. )
But let me think... For starters, it would be a lot easier to kiss you, if you keep your mask off.